Two Marines and a Spartan
by Saber Knight
Summary: A Spartan learns that he never should reject and downgrade marines, no matter if they're german or british, and must NEVER steal their lunches the hard way.


Two marines were hunkered down behind a warthog, peering out from behind it to watch sixteen elites beating up a lone spartan in a fist fight with the spartan staggering around a whole lot. The elites kept charging in and swinging punches and kicks, hitting the spartan absolutely everywhere.

"Shouldn't we help him?" One marine asked his partner. His dog tags referred to the marine as Raphael Kizer.

"I don't know, remember that he took our lunches? Saying that Spartans needed all their strength to kill as many Covies as possible." This marine was named Adolf Nockingham.

"Yeah, man, my mom packed me my lunch. There was this fluffy taco in it and this crunchy cupcake, they sounded so good."

"You said it. My sister made me mine, a nice japanese fashioned bento. Ugh, it was mouth watering, too bad I never got to taste it."

"Hell yeah, my mom is such a good cook."

"My sister makes the best food in the whole universe!" Adolf said quite energeticly with his mouth waterering at the mere thought of his sisters delicious food.

Meanwhile, an Elite General ran up to the spartan, punched him in the face with his right arm, then the left, then headbutted him, kicked him in the groin, before kicking him in the chest with his other leg, and as the spartan fell back into the air, the General stepped forward and punched downward into the spartan's stomach, making the spartan slam into the ground. Several coughs came from him as the elites grouped around and began stomping him with their right legs. "Ouch! Wait, not there! YEEEOWOUWCANDEECHI! NOT THE F-F-F-F-UNYY BONE! DEEYEHAHAHGARGYLPH!" The Spartan emited many words and just downright wrong syllables as he was repeatedly stomped upon.

"Agreed, I think I fell for her for just that."

"Me too, and I'm her brother."

"We should eat there again sometime, germany was so nice."

"Germany? We ate in Great Britain."

"Aren't you german?"

"No, I'm british. Are you british?"

"No, I'm german. Are yo-"

"We already went through that. Why do you have a british name?"

"I don't know, why do you have a german name?"

"My parents gave me it."

"Oh, uh, I'll go with that on mine to."

An Elite Ultra picked the Spartan up from the back and under the spartan's arms, then the elite pushed him into a spec ops fist, and when he was sent reeling back, the Ultra kicked him in the back of the head and the spartan fell into a spec ops uppercut. And as he staggered in between the two, two minors came at both sides and hit him at the same time. "Herk!" The spartan yelled out due to the pain.

"So have you heard that new movie coming out? The one about the squad of ODST infiltrating a forunner facility full of covies and totally being badasses?"

"Of course I did! I'm going to go see that when it comes out tomorrow."

"I'll join, I'll even pay for your ticket."

"Thanks man, also... It seems they only make movies about the UNSC and Covies nowadays."

"Hell yeah! They're the best!"

"I know, right? No more crappy movies about disgusting blonde girls or superheros fighting the villians and always winning."

"Yeah, that's just so cliche."

"And the Japanese are making an anime called 'Halo Legends'! It freakin' rocks!"

"I agree! Totally! My favorite is the Prototype one, marines rock!"

"You've only seen the previews, my favorite is Homecoming. That spartan is so... cool..."

The spartan was thrown headfirst into concrete and then dragged out of before being punched in the visor by an elite that threw 100 punches in only 10 seconds. The spartan staggered backwards at a fast rate and was caught in the butt with two kicks at the same time, sprawling him forward end over end across the terrain for several dozen yards. He groaned as he looked up at the two marines.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll let you have ALL of my lunch for the next week and I'll buy both of your tickets. I'll send a formal apology to your sister and I will agree that marines rock and that Daisy is the most coolest woman I have ever seen in my whole entire life if you just help me out."

The two marines looked at eachother and grinned. They then got into the warthog, Adolf in the front and Raphael on the gunner.

"Hoo Rah!" They shouted as they drove headfirst into the swarm of heavily armored and heavily handed elites. Elites and parts of elites flew high into the air as Adolf slammed into a dense group of them, earning a vehicle manslaughter medal that his superiors would give him upon his return.

"Don't let them hit-lurg!" The elite yelled out as he was ran over by the warthog. Raphael begin peppering bullets into the elites, earning many of their 'formal' cuss words.

"You bloody british!"

"I'm GERMAN!"

Adolf swung the warthog around and headed directly for an elite Ultra, who at the second to last moment activated armor lock as Adolf slammed his foot down on the petal. A huge explosion that sounded similair to a nuke rippled throughout the air as a massive amount of purple gore and blood showered upon the battlefield.

"Holy motherfu-" An elite general was saying in perfect english before he was salted with dozens of bullets until the .50 cal overheated. The elite finally dropped to the ground after standing three seconds full of holes.

Adolf drove over to the spartan and hefted him up into the passenger seat with one hand. As they drove away towards where they had parked their frigate in the parking lot, the spartan turned to him. "What would you do if I didn't do what I told you I would do?" As they drove by a Covie base full of elites, Adolf and Raphael both raised their right legs to kick the spartan out. "Nevermind! I, uh, just wanted to see what you would do..." Both marines snickered.

"Have something to say to us?"

"Yes... I will never look down upon you marines ever again and I will always classafy you stronger than me. And on every mission I will be badass like Johnson and take all the covies out just so the marines can have more R&R. And thank you for saving my lives."

"No problem Master Chief."

"You can just call me Chief, or John."

"Alright John."

"Today, my fellow marine and spartan. We have learned a very important thing today."

"Never downgrade marines?"

"My sister's food is the best food in the universe?"

"Cliche movies suck?"

"I'm british and your german?"

"Elites are total badasses?"

"Never steal a marine's lunch?"

"Daisy is the best looking spartan ever?"

"Marines are the actual demons of war?"

"No... Warthogs are the freakin' BOMB! HOO RAH!"

"HOO RAH!"

"HOO RAH!"

"And all that other stuff too."

"I totally agree, my funny bone still hurts."

"When we get back, let's upload it on youtube."

"Hoo rah my jolly good man, hoo rah."

"That is so, my nazi friend."

"I'm... going to sleep when we get back... Herk... Eh...gh..."

"Night."

"Night."


End file.
